White coat. Heels.
I could make wine with my vomit
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize
