Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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