This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
