I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
