My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize