What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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