drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
