Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize