She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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