I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
