It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
