my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
