so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
