Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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