there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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