just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
