so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
im holly from the hills drunk
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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