...so i touched it.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
