guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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