I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
