I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
