The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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