I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
