you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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