so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
