I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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