I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sorry about my life...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
