all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
