At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
