Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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