it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
