i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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