I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
handjob tips. give me some.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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