My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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