I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize