I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize