My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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