I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
