I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize