I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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