The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize