Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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