Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
