we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
