Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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