glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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