How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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