Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
