why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
