can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
