Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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