he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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