First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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