If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
