So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
