Sponge bath it is.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
