My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
