I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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