did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
