Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
