hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
