nut hugger
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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