remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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