I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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