I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
