Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
