She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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