I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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