i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize