Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Drunk is not a location!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
