why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
