she takes plan B like it's going out of style
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
