OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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