i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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