I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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