Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
