Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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