How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
