Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
