He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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