im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
