So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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