Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
