Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Randomize
