I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
