What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
