Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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