i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
