hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
