Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
