i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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