fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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