3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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