everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize