There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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