God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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