You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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