We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Barsexuality is the new black.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
