ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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