apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just want nice things and good sex
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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