literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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