I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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