He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
