I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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