Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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