The maid of honor just puked.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize