She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
