You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
