I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
