you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There's always time for handjobs
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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