I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
