Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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