Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize