addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize