Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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