i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
