Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
