Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
