Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize