We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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