Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
