I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Dear god my vagina.
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