bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
