ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
