it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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