I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize