11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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